(LUMBERJACKSON POLLOCK from the Lumberjacks: a Field Guide by Marianne Ways & Colleen AF Venable, art by Annie S.)

(LUMBERJACKSON POLLOCK from the Lumberjacks: a Field Guide by Marianne Ways & Colleen AF Venable, art by Annie S.)

Girl Talk on National Lumberjack Day

owlchemylabs-kate submitted to lumberjackday:

As fellow bearded ladies we salute the awesomeness of these costumes! Great job! The bear head hat especially. I really need to find me a bear with an extra head I can borrow.

(HIPSTER VS. LUMBERJACK: HOW TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE from the book Lumberjacks: a Field Guide: The Past, Present, and Future of Lumberjackary written by Marianne Ways and Colleen AF Venable with art by Chris Moreno)

(HIPSTER VS. LUMBERJACK: HOW TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE from the book Lumberjacks: a Field Guide: The Past, Present, and Future of Lumberjackary written by Marianne Ways and Colleen AF Venable with art by Chris Moreno)

asker

zackules asked: The other day, I noticed that a friend of mine (we'll call him 'Gunner') recently began wearing lots of flannel. I thought maybe it was just because of the onset of chilly, Fall weather, so I didn't think too much of it. I also noticed that the razor in his bathroom has gone unused for a very long time and his scruffy face has now turned into a full-on soup catcher! Now, I'm not one to pry, but I couldn't resist. I went through his closet and tucked behind his fur coats: an axe. What do I do?

Fur coats, multiple?! Hmmm. I’m sorry to say this, Zack, but it does sound like your friend is coming down with a case of Lumberjackism.

Now this isn’t necessarily a problem. I mean the world needs more foster beards to house orphaned woodland creatures, and lord knows some wooden tables are just ASKING for it. (There was this wooden bench the other day in the park giving me the worst dirty looks. What a jerk!)

BUT if you love your friend and don’t want them to run off into the forest sunset riding a bizarrely colored ox, here are some steps you can take:

1. Put clown noses* or squeaky dog toys on EVERY wooden surface in your friend’s house. Lumberjacks live for the sound of ax hitting tree and when that sound is morphed into cute squeaks it’s just not the same. 

*NOTE: you might want to remove the clown noses from the actual clowns, though I guess terrified clown screams would also work as a deterrent.

2. Get rid of the beard. Beards are a powerful force. They draw plaid to them like magnets. Suspenders can’t resist being so close to those coarse facial hairs. It’s hard to convince someone to shave, but the next time you are walking past a vat of hot wax, just “accidentally” trip your friend to fall in face first. Grab a towel to “help get off that wax!” and wrap it around their face. Pull as quick as you can in a download motion, waxing that beard away, and saving your friendship and a green or red ox the trouble of carrying your friend away.

This methods are powerful, but they are not 100% guarenteed. If none of this works, remember Lumberjacks are People Too.

And super contagious. According to my math, by 2017 we’ll all be Lumberjacks. And you know what. I think I’m okay with that. 

Sincerely,
The Lumberjack Day Crew

(ARE YOU DATING A LUMBERJACK?!?! from the book Lumberjacks: a Field Guide: The Past, Present, and Future of Lumberjackary written by Marianne Ways and Colleen AF Venable with art by Liam Duffy)

(ARE YOU DATING A LUMBERJACK?!?! from the book Lumberjacks: a Field Guide: The Past, Present, and Future of Lumberjackary written by Marianne Ways and Colleen AF Venable with art by Liam Duffy)

There’s nowhere to run, Pancake!!! Especially when you are six feet tall and have limited ability to move your legs. 
Sincerely,Colleen, Lumberjack

There’s nowhere to run, Pancake!!! Especially when you are six feet tall and have limited ability to move your legs. 

Sincerely,
Colleen, Lumberjack

So THAT’S how pencil sharpers work!

So THAT’S how pencil sharpers work!

Possessed sisters, lumberjacks, and axe-blessing nuns?! WHERE DO I SIGN UP?!

Sang-Froid : Tales of Werewolves - Gameplay Trailer PC Gamer Magazine says: "You’re a Canadian lumberjack in 1858, and you’re protecting your sister from the devil. There are werewolves. There are traps and guns. There’s a free demo. We have no objection to Sang-Froid: Tales of Werewolves."

Woo! Bundle.com has an article about the best holiday: Lumberjack Day Fills The Pre-Halloween Holiday Void “Between July 4th and Halloween is a 115-day holiday desert. Sure, Labor Day, the beginning of the school year, and the start of fall are in there, but there’s no real dress-up and party holiday. Thankfully, we now have Lumberjack Day.”
(pictured above, Ms. Noa Wheeler and the best beard the 2007 Lumberjack Day party at the famous Juniors in Brooklyn)

Woo! Bundle.com has an article about the best holiday: Lumberjack Day Fills The Pre-Halloween Holiday Void “Between July 4th and Halloween is a 115-day holiday desert. Sure, Labor Day, the beginning of the school year, and the start of fall are in there, but there’s no real dress-up and party holiday. Thankfully, we now have Lumberjack Day.”

(pictured above, Ms. Noa Wheeler and the best beard the 2007 Lumberjack Day party at the famous Juniors in Brooklyn)